Holding My Breath for an Illusion

Once again I find myself lying here

Grasping at the pillow

Buried in the sheets

Don't know how much longer I can wait

I haven't met you

Haven't touch you

I don't even know if you exist

Are you there anywhere

but inside my mind?

Or am I holding my breath for an illusion?

A heart that can love

Without loving anything

Must be destinies for the love that it cries for

But what if I'm not

What if you aren't there?

What if you never come and take me away

Happy endings aside

I need you there

I need someone there so my tears aren't in vain

A man of passion

Of genius, of love

I don't ask for a White Knight, I ask for you

Every flaw

Every scar

A reason for me to love you more

Though it might kill me

I will wait longer

Please, hurry to me. I will die if you don't come.

Maybe

Maybe if
Life was simple
Maybe if you were true
Maybe I could have my way
Maybe I could get through to you
Maybe someday
Maybe now
Maybe, somehow,
You could be
More than just a maybe
To me

The Keeper of the Dead

Too Young

I rack my young brain for answers.

Forming opinions

From the experiences I've got.

It's not easy being here

When half the country is against you.

It's hard to make your judgments

With each side

Spewing lies,

Destroying the process

With their infantile games.



I watch the news,

Heated by debate

And fueled by anger.

Half saying the other is misinformed,

While both of them lie,

Like little children

Haggling for candy.

Cheating, shouting and whining again.

No matter the outcome

The pettiness won't end.

Impassioned, yes

But passion misplaced.

To stand against the populace

But not to be attacked,

Is to stand silent, not heard.



Eighteen years

Is eighteen years too young

For such a decision, some say

Yet you're the ones

Who deny others

Their sacred right

You bully, you tattle and you brag

Like kids on a playground

Playing too rough



But I'm to one who is too young.

Saying the Words

Why did it have come to this?

Everything has fallen into remiss

You say that it will be okay

And it's always different the other way



But saying the words doesn't make it so

And here are things you need to know

Our love for you will never change

But the way you're acting just seems strange



The truth is lost behind the eclipse

As you insert words into our lips

Words of which we don't know how

Saying we don't love you now



But saying the words doesn't make it so

There's still so much that we don't know

This all seems fine from you point of view

Doing things you said you'd never do



Please step out from inside the fog

We never said that you were wrong

You say that things are under control

And you're better off on the whole



But saying the words doesn't make it so

You still have so much more to grow

We're not telling you, that you are bad

But you're wasting everything we had



Try to look at it from where we stand

All we're trying to do is understand

We only question for your own good

When you do things you said you never would



I guess saying the words doesn't make it so

We'll just have to work it out as we go...

So Different Now

Isn't strange how things always change?

Just when you think you have it all figured out

With a simple exchange; a turn of the page

Everything you know is turned inside-out.

I look at you now but I just can't see

That person that I used to know back when

Inseparable friends, you and me

So different now, because that was then



Now I see that you've taken a turn for the worst

Taking dumb chances without weighing the dangers

In everything, now, you jump in head first

Turning close friends into complete strangers

I'm telling you this because I worry for you

These mistakes you've made, you're making again

Repeating the past while you're starting anew

So different now, when that was then



I'm asking you, simply, to look around

And tell me if you approve of your change

Now we sit in darkness, not making a sound

But, in honesty, this all seems rather strange

Please just remember the fun days we had

So somehow we can go back to then

Making everything good out of bad

So 'different now' won't happen again.

Poem to a Blind Man

I tell myself

I'm used to this

When you look at me

but you don't see

You listen to me

but you don't hear

When I call out

for you.

Will you ever

feel

like

me?

And stop being

Blind

Blind to something

so obvious

Until then

I'll wait for that day

That day when you will

See.

My Childhood Lies in Ruins

My childhood lies in ruins

It is the swing that hangs by one chain

And the jungle gym set in pieces on the ground

I watch the weeds grow

They grow around my memories quickly

Covering up the past so easily as time moves on

The playground is overgrown

With grass and dandelions that grow in patches

They were with the younger me before she passed

I want go back to then

When life was simple and fun didn't end

But my childhood is still slipping from my grasp

Recess is over

It been over for years but not forgotten

Now it's gone completely, a memory of happier times

I cry for my loss of time

But I still watch the clock ticking away the days

As my last moments are wasted on wishing for more

I Miss You

It's been two years since I've seen your face

I picture you now but you disappear

Time has darkened your image in my mind

Making what was once vivid, unclear

I wish with all my soul to see you now

But when I try I fail and fall again

Then the despair grips me and I give in

I fall willingly and relive the pain

I left you at sixteen and moved forward

I'm growing up and you are frozen

Stuck in time and in my mind, you live

Forever a freshmen; a could've been



I don't want your memory to fade from me

But the clouds of time are rolling in

And when the rain comes it washes you away

So I must leave you buried within

I watch the time with the eyes of a woman

Years will go by and years have gone

I'm struggle to hold on as the seasons change

Others have left you; they must move on

How can I blame them for leaving so fast?

We are still children after all

And the grief sweeps in as we think of you

So much pain it hurts to recall



Sometimes I want to forget how you died

And just simply think of you

But for some reason, it pains me more

If I try but I can't see you

There are some nights when I've dreamt of you

You hold me while I sit and cry

A small favor given by your midnight visits

But in the morning, another lie

These years have brought on clarity anew

Only love will bring us through

And when the next two years pass me by

Please know, Jared, I miss you

Serenity

I watch as the gentle brook feeds the lake

And I wonder how something so large

Depends on something so small



I smell the scent of fire; burning pine

And I wonder if any aroma could ever

Bring back as sweet of memories



I watch the dragonflies dance on the water

And I wonder if, over the centuries,

Their dance has ever changed



I feel the warm wind against my skin

And I wonder, truly, if what I feel

Is the gentle breath of God



I watch the rocks break the water's flow

And I wonder how long it will take

Before the water breaks the rocks



I take in the world that lay before me

And I wonder if anything could be

More serene or beautiful than this

Home

Each year I go back home

And dream my summer away

It may not be my real address

But it's where you'll find my heart

So what is home but a relative term

For home is where your family is



Each year I meet my family

And play my summer away

They may not be blood related

But they love me just the same

So what is family but a relative term

For a family is people who love



Each year I go where I am loved

And laugh my summer away

They may not have a reason

but they love me anyway

So love is not a relative term

Because when I'm loved I'm home

Giving Back

From the day you're born, people give to you

They give but never take

They smile and cheer and wait for you

They applaud all the progress you make

They watch you grow into the life you live

And as you live you learn

It seems that all they do is give

But get so little in return

You notice how much these people care

And help you become who you are

You know they may not always be there

But they'll never be too far

Because what they give stays with you

And helps you through the years

It makes you want to give some too

And wipe away other's tears

Then you get your chance, one day

To pass on the love you've got

So you help others on their way

And grow to love them a lot

The more you give you come to find

That the ones you love, love back

And with each person that you are kind

You see you get more when giving back

Don't Say Good-bye

It's Graduation day today

When summer ends you'll be on your way

It's hard to believe it's gone so fast

And all of our memories fall into the past

It amazes me to think of next year

Going to classes without having you near

Things won't be the same without you around

And I can't let go of the friendship I've found



So laugh with me; don't say goodbye

Let's stop searching for answers to why

Time moves slow when it should go fast

But speeds so quickly to the day I'll see you last

Could we have just one more year?

Perhaps we could stay forever here

Because the future is blurry; it scares me to see

What life has in store for you and for me



So hit the breaks for a moment; ease up off the gas

Because I don't wanna spend life looking to the past

Let's wait for a moment and take it all in

If we can't then this is a race I don't want to win

I've got all I need with you at my side

So slow down a little; let's try to decide

How we can stretch these moments on

And try to stop the approaching dawn



But in the end; life goes on

And one of these days I know you'll be gone

All I can say is, on that day

When you leave me to find your way

On your own; wherever you roam

I hope you always find your way home

And there I'll be waiting for you, my friend

Just because we're apart doesn't mean this has to end.



For the Graduating Seniors

One Tear Falls

One tear falls; I wipe away before they see

Before they get the chance to see the weakness inside of me

Because of my pride it is so difficult to reveal

It's so hard to show anyone, how I really feel



The heart in my chest may be breaking in two

But you won't ever see me shed a tear or cry in front of you

So I'll bury my feelings deep down inside again

They could resurface but I don't know where or when



I am scared of nothing but I always feel afraid

And from their critical eyes, I am trying to evade

Keeping what lies within me right where it belongs

Speaking to no one of my sad and lovely songs



I wanted to feel nothing and this wish is coming true

That's what happens when I try to hide myself away from you

I guess should feel sadder, now that I am turning numb

But when offered a life unfeeling, it's so easy to succumb



The pain is gone away now but the joy has left me too

I move about like a shadow with my vision all askew

This isn't what I wanted if I could I would feel fear

But I can't so what I'll shed for you is one small, simple tear.

Midnight Soft

Midnight soft is how I love you

Like a secret in the night

Moonlight sweet is how I need you

Whether it be wrong or right



When it's dark outside I hold you

And I'm not ashamed to say

That my heart's longing to touch you

But so quickly comes the day

And as quickly you are gone

When my sky turns pale and light

We are never the same at dawn

As we were that very night



With night time comes my dreams

And I suppose that's what you are

But underneath the moonbeams

I know you're never far

Still when day comes you leave

And I die a little inside

The sun and I are left to grieve

For the moon's love will not bide



On your violin, I watch you play

A tune of love untold

But with sunrise comes the day

And soon the song turns cold

Then all day I lie in waiting

For the sun to fade from view

And as the sunlight starts abating

I make my way to you



Now I've had a revelation

One day I'll let you see

It's not my imagination

And it's not fantasy

One night I will reveal

A love you've never known

I'll prove that what I feel is real

And stop loving on my own



Midnight soft is how I love you

Whether it be day or night

Moonlight sweet is how I need you

In darkness or the light.

About God, the Ocean & the Moon

Each night I look up to the sky

And see the Lord in every star

But for some reason, I know not why

I find him not in the moon afar

I see a face but he looks cold

Up in space the time he bides

Near the ocean rocks so old

Ever changing with the tides

God, for me, does not waver

Like the moon does every night

To me, God is my bless'd savior

An always constant shinning light

But, somehow, it's different now

The closest star seems distant

And though the sun will not allow

My moon turns to a crescent

I move quickly against the waves

Others come but I must go

Past all the people the Lord saves

If I'm one the sun will show

Its futile whispering prayers to the moon

The man speaks not to me

For the night is gone too soon

And then the moon must flee

I realize I am like that sphere

So weary, dark and low

And only when the sun is near

Am I allowed to glow

I revolve around the earth

As the earth goes round the sun

From the moment of my birth

And until my life is done

I'm not afraid of the sea anymore

With the current I am intune

As I wonder, on this distant shore,

About God, the ocean and the moon

Faded Friendships

Childhood friendships dwindle away so fast

Caught beneath the dead hand of the past

It fades like the photos on our shelves

With no one left to blame but ourselves



We didn't know what we'd had until it was gone

And it breaks my heart to see you so withdrawn

Did I ever tell you how sorry I feel?

And all of this, now, seems so unreal



I wish I had been a better friend

But I was too young to comprehend

The terror inside your mind and delve

Into the dark shadows, I was only twelve.



I look at you now and wish I had been there

Perhaps I could lift you from your despair

The loss of childhood, come too soon

As we slept beneath the cold, full moon



There's a wall between us that I can't tear down

So I can save you before you drown

In your thoughts so dreary and dark

By being the lantern; a distant spark.



Is there's nothing I can do for you now?

Lost friend, if there is please tell me how

Because I miss the way we used to be

When you would smile and hold hands with me



But those days are gone forever it seems

For you are haunted by your dreams

And I was too immature to understand

Instead of running I should've held your hand

These are the Good Old Days

These days nostalgia is lost on me

I live for now instead of what will be

Too happy to look back on yesterday

I wish we could stay forever this way

Such beautiful moments go by too fast

Seconds, minutes and hours slip past

Until all are gone; the day will end

Knowing tomorrow you'll still be my friend

Together up to the stars we gaze

Singing, "These are the good old days"



When I'm with you I'm never judged

I'm beside you when my makeups smudged

My hairs in a mess and my jeans are torn

Others look at me to frown and scorn

But you stand by and hold my hand

I can always count on you to understand

But the sand keeps falling in the hour glass

And what is now, too soon will pass

Years will speed by, leaving us in a daze

All the while singing, "These are the good old days"



The time of our parting draws on apace

So I'll smile with you and save your place

Forever if need be until you come home

From wherever it is you've chosen to roam

And though these tears may fall from my eyes

I always knew we'd have to say our goodbyes

I have no regrets though it hurts me so

To look back on so long ago

So one last time, under the sun's warm rays,

We'll be singing, "These are the good old days"







For Page

History Repeating

Like an echo from my past

You step through the door

Oh so eager to start again

To turn me into your whore

It's all been done before,

This emotional beating

That's just the game you like

To play; of history repeating



I've broken free from you before

By loosing your hold

And even in doing so

The thought has made me cold

I had learned to live with you

When all happiness is fleeting

And now your back to your

Old game; of history repeating



But now it's time to break the cycle

This cycle that�s breaking my heart

But now I see that the only time I'm happy

Is whenever we're apart

Because I'm sick of all the shit you pull

All the lying, threats and cheating

It looks like I won your

Stupid game; of history repeating

I Know Me

I'm so sick of us being like this

You feel nothing unless we kiss

You just stand there and bite your lip

What the hell is wrong with our relationship?

Screw the rhymes

Tetrameters bore me

I 'm just going tell you the truth

Because I'm tired of being someone else

I'm tired of lying to myself

And sorry for lying to you

The truth is I hate red roses

And to me violets seem purple

Isn't that why they call them violets

And as for sugar; it's not always sweet

Like me

I like to play dress up once-in-awhile

But these heels are killing me

And I never sit right in a skirt

While I'm at it I might as well

Come clean

I use unscented soup in the shower

Who likes the smell of papaya and kiwi anyway?

If it was up to me I�d cut my nails short

And throw out the polish

It's a pain in the ass to paint over chips

I guess you could call me humble

Because I'd rather be outside

Than in the mall

And I'm not the type of girl, who crushes on every guy

But you're special

I've never been the romantic type

But since I've met you

Love songs make sense

And I must admit; as embarrassing as it is

Each night I spray your brand of cologne

On my pillow

Because it reminds me of you

So look at me without the make-up

And my hair part wavy; part straight

Can you love me as I am?

I know it's unfair

To you and to me

For me to continue with this stupid fa�ade

I know that I love you

So I'm leaving the decision to you

Love me or break me

I know myself well enough to take the news

And continue on

No matter what the answer

Tell Me How You Feel

Why can't I just break though your walls?

And find out who you really are.

I wish you would give me one chance,

But you always said I wish too much.

If only you would you take the time

To drop those lies and let me see.

You've got me twisted but I don't why.

You're messing with my head

So I can't even trust myself anymore.

Please just tell me how you feel.

Though we may be holding hands,

I'm still left a distance from you heart.

Sometimes I think you say those lies

So much you started believing them too.

What if I turned the tables on you?

Would you be able to stay away?

I wonder if you know that you�re my life,

And without you I wither and die.

When we talk I feel like I'm drowning.

Before I can get a breath,

The wave crashes down again.

Only you can save me now.

Even a few words will suffice

Please just tell me how you feel.